i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
