let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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