i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
