I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
