When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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