i need an iv and a liver transplant
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
