We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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