So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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