yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
