dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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