I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
