he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
