Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we're making bets on your personal life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
