Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
