Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
