Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
