I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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