where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
