I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
