If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
