I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
