every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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