i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
