My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She announced her abortion via fbk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize