she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
