I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
