I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
