At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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