I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ttyl tear gas
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize