I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
