Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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