I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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