i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
