Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
