Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
