the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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