I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
