So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
