Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
