laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
