Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
