I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
