It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize