he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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