I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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