Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
