I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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