I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
