We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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