i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
