Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
