I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
