You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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