Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
