so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
