You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
