I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
