Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
