I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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