No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
