I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
