I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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