Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
