Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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