what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
