as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
