At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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