she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
