He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
