She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
