I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
