hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
