Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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