the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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